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My thoughts on yearly hash events. I would love to attend a lot more of these and probably will have the opportunity next year when I retire from my first career. Like most, I will have to take up a second income-generating hobby if I want to eat and/or drink beer. This brings me to my "pet peeve" as it applies to hashing.

At the current time in space, I am fortunate to live in "the land of hash," i.e., San Diego County, California. It ranks, I'm sure, among the most hash-saturated areas of the world. Depending on who you listen to, there are about 15 active hashes in this county. What this provides is the opportunity to hash almost every day of the week (except Thursdays) with usually two hashes running simultaneously Friday thru Monday.

This brings me to my rant. I'm often asked if I attended a recent state, national or international hash. My response is usually, "No." Why travel hundreds or even thousands of miles, pay travel costs, hotel accommodation, and then a hash fee of $150-300? Why, when I can stay home, hash just as often, pay $2-6, drink lots of beer, eat great food and visit with folks I know?

I know we don't have much control over some things, like airline and rental car costs, but other things we can control. Why don't hashes and hashers expend energies to bring down the costs to gypsy hashers? How? Well, let's start with costs that we can have an impact on. How about offering to pick up these folks at the airport? Auto rentals vary between $200-400 per week. Why not form a roster of available "hash hosts"? They can pick them up, take them wherever they need to hash, then get them back. Another dreaded expense is hotel accommodations. Why can't more hashers open up their homes, apartments, condos, tents, driveways, whatever? I know I wouldn't mind sleeping on the floor for a couple of days if it meant saving a couple hundred bucks.

I've been to hashes where I'm welcomed on the sheer fact that I came with the primary intent on hashing. I can understand reluctance, 'cause hey, what babe is gonna let a stranger into her pad just 'cause he hashes? Verify their ID, check out their standing in the local hashes, and use caution. If you don't feel safe, don't do it. If you want to host someone, bet your ass, they will return the favor.

Another big cost. Food. What would it hurt for hashers to stop off at the supermarket for a couple days worth of food that can inexpensively be prepared at a hasher's home. Eating and drinking out is very expensive. Heck, I would gladly offer to buy the food and beer if someone would allow me to cook it and cool it at their pad.

Now, for the real pisser. Why do hashes think they have to gouge visitors to finance their hash for the rest of the year? I mean, come on . . . since when does it require an operating budget of $200-300 per person to cover the cost of a three-day/two-night event? Look at some of these venues. I won't embarrass anyone by mentioning names but get real! First you charge a visitor $200 to come hash with you for two days and two nights (although most are three days and two nights, you must take into account that the first and last days are usually half or less). Then they have to get there. Where can you fly in America, or anywhere else, for $200 or less round trip? Then there is transportation (mentioned earlier). Then food and drink expenses before and after the hash. What I can't understand is when a hash charges over $100 for the event then run out of beer early the first night.

So this is two-tiered. First, what the hell do these hashes spend all this money on? Say we have a national hash and charge $150 per person. We expect to get 200 hashers. What costs $30,000? No way beer, food, and a local venue can cost that much. OK, lets throw in a t-shirt ($6-8) and goodie bag ($2-3). That burns up $2000 of your budget. Now, let's buy them all the beer they can drink. 200 hashers can drink about $3-5000 in beer on a good weekend. Don't say it ain't so. We just paid less then $1500 for 20 kegs (18 being microbrew), 70 liters of wine, and 1000 lbs of ice for one night. And we had 7 kegs left over. So how much are you paying for beer?

Now the second biggest cost. Food. How much does it cost to feed 200 hungry hashers? About $5 per day unless you have it catered. So you went way overboard and had steaks one day. OK, add (how much is a good steak nowadays?) $5 for one huge meal. You are still under $4000. If that isn't bad enough, now you want them to pay for car rentals or cab fees from the airport. Shuck out $50-200 per night for a hotel and treat them like they're local so it's up to them to find the good deals. So, now, my question. Where the hell does all this money go? Go ahead. Send me your "actual" expenses.

If you can't host a weekend hash for $30-40, you are gouging your fellow hashers. If you don't try and reduce their cost by opening up your pad and offerering transportation, then you just don't get it. Don't get what? You don't get what hashing is all about.

- Pond Scum, California Larrikins HHH, San Diego, California USA