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Where to begin?

Live haring . . .

The perennial FRB clearly has it made when he hares. He can run straight and fast. For the rest of us, I offer up the following:

You don't need to be fast to avoid getting caught. If you can't outrun the pack, all you have to do is out-think them (which isn't necessarily a difficult proposition).

Long & Hard and I do an annual 'Bataan Death Hash' where we promise a three-hour trail with three beer checks (which those who aren't interested in running fourteen miles can get a ride to either the end or another beer check and resume the run . . .) and the entire trail is laid live. For two fat bastards like us to repeatedly pull it off without getting caught is proof that old age and treachery will always prevail over youth and vivacity. Seriously though, the way to do it is for the two hares to NEVER see each other once you take off. The idea is that by separating, and knowing how much faster the pack is, you can lay several loops and short cut to your next portion just as the pack is about to descend upon you. Of course, this requires a fair amount of planning which cuts into your beer drinking, which is why we only do it once a year (it's much easier to get caught and just drink for it).

Obviously a beer check will give the hares a little extra time as the pack stops for a couple of cold ones, but I (as a hare) have been caught at the beer check before because I thought I could get one more beer in before the pack got close . . . plan out the checks well, and use them to regroup the pack. Hashers arriving at a check (the FRBs) seem to be incapable of doing anything other than running straight, or turning 90 degrees to their right or left. A 135-degree turn will confound them for quite some time. Neither are they capable of thinking in the third dimension. If the terrain will support it, (along an embankment of drop-off) they will tend to look along the same level for hours until the rest of the pack arrives and points out the obvious.

Sweeping the trail? Note: in my own editorial I advocated sweeping the trail for lost hashers- F.B. What the hell for? As long as you mark the damned thing well, the pack should have no problem following it in. The pack should mark the checks and the short cutters (who all too often turn out to be long cutters) will be the only ones who are lost. Virgins should be tended to by whoever brings them. If they show up without a sponsor, someone should be appointed to see to it that they get in. The remainder of the pack are hashers and therefore fully capable of finding beer on their own.

Golf Courses? Shopping Malls? These are natural obstacles for the pack, and provide the hare with those few extra minutes he may need. Experience has shown that it is not the first ones (read: the hares) through who get stopped by security or bitten by angry dogs, it is the second (and subsequent) ones through! Use these areas well, but don't overdo it!

Of course, we do need to keep the trail to a moderate length unless it is some sort of special occasion, and then, WARN people if they are going to be out there for a long time (the Bataan Death hash is advertised several weeks in advance so people can update their wills and insurance policies). The definition of "moderate" is dictated by the particular hash. In some areas, moderate may be two hours, while in others it may be forty-five minutes. Long trails, short trails . . . I'm there for the beer and the company (I could give a shit about trail length).

"Seasoned" hares (read: caught more than five times) should seek out the wallflowers and recruit (read: coerce) them into haring a trail. Once they try it, they are typically quick to sign up to do another one.

- Gopher, Ft Eustis HHH, Virginia USA