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I have been hashing for the last five years and only recently became the GM of the Bump-N-Hump H3 (BNH4) in Reno, Nevada. One of the things I love most about the hash is the diversity of people and traditions which make up the hash. I have met hashers from all over the world who have regaled me with hashing tales and traditions from the four corners of the globe: stories of nudity (both good and bad!), leeches on the naughty bits, down-downs on a pig snout embedded in ice, and songs too numerous and X-rated to list here.

Every now and then though, someone shows up, starts telling me how we have it all wrong and then explains how we have screwed it all up and how a hash is really supposed to be run. "In (insert home city) intersections are marked with an 'X' inside a circle, not an 'H', and after you see three puffs of powder you are on true-trail. The hare should not have marked 'YBF', I don't even know what that means because I wasn't really listening at the chalk talk since I already know all of this stuff, she should have marked a "BT." I missed the finish because I know the trail should only last one hour so I just ran back to the start because in (insert home city) we always end where we start and it is always one hour after the hares are away. And why do you have to sing? I hate singing. In (insert home city) we don't sing. And you're supposed to have a block of ice for down-downs. In (insert home city) violators sit on the ice naked with one thumb in their ass and the other in their mouth until one or the other begins to prune or their ass turns blue . . ." and on and on and on.

It's not that I don't want to hear these things, I do. But don't tell me the way the BNH4 runs its hash is wrong, and especially don't do so when I'm in the middle of the chalk talk or the circle. At those times I don't want to hear how you or anyone else does things at their hash. And it's not that I don't care; rather, I am busy trying to run OUR hash, not yours. And you should probably pay attention to me unless you want to wander around in the desert like Moses. In Reno we do things a little differently than they do in Las Vegas, San Diego, Prague, Hell, and anywhere else there is a hash. Why? Because we can. Every hash is different. That's part of the fun. That's why there is a cadre of people out there who travel from place to place in search of new hashes. Every hash has its own traditions, its own songs, and its own personality. Going from hash to hash and doing the same thing over and over would be boring and tedious. Hell, it would be goddamn un-American. Even in Prague.

Again, it's not that I don't want to hear about how they do things somewhere else; I have incorporated traditions from other hashes into the BNH4. I just don't want some unknown visitor telling me how things are supposed to be. I already know how things are supposed to be; Cyranose, our founder, and Paddy No Tool told me. And the time to tell me is not during the chalk talk or when I'm in the middle of trying to entertain hashers at the circle. If you have a question about a trail mark, by all means ask me, and you can even tell me that our mark means something different in Abu Dabi. I don't want you to get confused or lost, and I appreciate knowing that, in the future, I might need to tell an Abu Dabian to be careful with our symbols. But goddammit don't tell me I'm wrong. In Reno, I'm right. And if you have seen something done differently, or even, God forgive, better, tell me at the on-after.

Presumably, you visit other hashes for the same reason you leave town to visit new places: to meet new people, to see the sights, and to enjoy an experience different from that which you would have had at wherever home is. When you visit a hash, don't be afraid to sit back and watch. Personally, I'd rather have you participate, especially in the circle. But remember you are a visitor, and just because the hash in Oshkosh makes violators drink moose piss doesn't mean violators at the BNH4 should. Do tell me about the moose piss though because, who knows, I might see a moose wandering in the sagebrush one day and decide to get a glassful for the violators. For fuck's sake though, don't tell me moose piss down-downs are mandatory, as if G ran into a moose on trail in the jungles of Kuala Lumpur. We don't have moose in the desert, and I'm pretty sure the moose would knock the piss out of me way before I got it from him.

- Butt Motion, Bump'n'Hump HHH, Reno, Nevada USA