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Half-Mind Rant


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Car Alarms and the Ides of March

(Ed. note: Ranters welcome, Have a great Hash Trash writer - send in their rant!)

I friggin' hate car alarms. There has never been a more useless, more ubiquitous piece of crap invented.  When has a car alarm ever worked?

I think maybe once, the first guy who ever bought one, had his car alarm work as he locked himself out and tried to get in.  The sound must've helped his neighbor come out to give him a hand getting the door open with a wire hanger.  But in the meantime, seven other car alarms went off and the collective neighborhood decided to tune out that horrible sound as best they could.  I hate car alarms so much in fact, that if I were running for office, I'd probably run on an anti-car alarm platform.  I'm more likely to help the car thief get into his car than to actually call the police.  If he smashed the window, I'd probably even help him sweep it up.  

Speaking of sweeping, EWH3 needs a refresher on what it means to sweep.  Sweeping does not mean lolly-gagging in the back of the pack discussing strategy on how to get this weeks virgins drunk and in your bed later (although it can involve that).  Many of you wankers are thinking that sweeping means staying in the back and making sure that nobody gets lost.  That is impossible, unless you're omnipresent like Bob Loblow, you can't prevent someone from making a wrong turn and running to Anicostia just by running in the back of the pack.  But what you can do is mark all the checks with true trail arrow.  Not just pack arrows mind you, but nice big true trail arrows.  You are still a hare, and nobody is going to violoate you for it (unless of course you point it in the wrong direction).  You could even sweep from the middle or possibly the front of the pack.  If we had 10 wankers, you could possibly cat herd them all.  But with 100, not possible.  So just run along and mark those checks so the zenners and parallers can meet up w/ us after they tour D.C..

This week a bunch of hashers who have an oral-theme to their hash name are going to lead us to temptation.  If any of you don't get it, the soothsayer told caesar to beware the ides of march.  The ides are the 15th of the month, and therefore he should've been more careful on march 15th.  This trail is on March 15th, hence the theme.  My mom was born on March 15th and my old man used to always say I should've listened to the soothsayer.

Obeastiologist


And a (Motivational) Poem on Racism from Late Nite Drive_Thru

Song: Run Fast

Okay, I have to admit – this one is not a song. It's a poem through and through. This is what I hope happens on the day of my half-marathon. I wrote this to inspire myself to run harder, faster, stronger, and longer.

BTW, I have decided to revise my half-marathon goal:
It was 2:30 In light of my successful training:
It will be 2:10 Wish me luck!!

The big day is upon me
My fortune resides
In the strength of my lungs
My legs and my thighs

The gun fires off
I run steady and light
I'm pushing, I'm panting
With all of my might

Run faster I yearn
With loads of determination
Motivated to earn
Congratulations

Perseverance pays off
Five miles have I passed
Don't stop now
Run fast, run fast!

Miles go by
My patience is thin
The faster I lope
The closer the end

Ten miles are behind me
Three more to complete
I'm almost there now
It's been quite a feat

The finish line's ahead
I sprint to the end
Legs are on fire
Gait wide and trim

I'm there!
Oh boy!
I'm jumping for joy

Ecstatically pleased
I've beaten my goal
Spectators surround
As I pass the pole

Coldness trickles
Down the small of my back
I don't feel the prickle
Of the cold winter's tack

Muscles aching
Now that I'm clear
Where to go now?
It's time for a beer!

But wait, it's not over
Training to win
Because I'm waiting
for the next race to begin!

On-On! 

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