Half-Mind Rant

On the Origin of Hashers

by Dual Air Bags

 

 

I know all about origins.

 

My sister's origin is a woman she likes to call "Mom".

My sister's origin is a woman that has big red hair, although today it could be strawberry blond and on next Tuesday it could be dark brown. At one time we both had the same thoughts on coloring your hair - you did it when you were on your period - because if you're bleeding - you're dye-ing. However, she hit "the change of life" some years back but still subscribes to the same schedule for hair dye-ing. She also subscribes to the theory that you go to bed made up in case there's a fire. And I do mean made up - big, big, purpley blue eye shadow from the ends of her eyes to her painted on eye brows, scary fake Tammy Faye eye lashes, 7 inch acrylic nails with enough gold in them that the US Mint is asking where she got it all from, and loud, colorful clothing - anything with sparkly lions and tigers on them is a huge hit of a fashion statement as far as my sister's origin is concerned.

Sometimes she's a smoker and sometimes she's not.

She talks to my sister and me with a lot of sarcasm dripping with guilt just in case we'd gone momentarily deaf and didn't hear the sarcasm.

Oh yeah.

I am familiar with origins.

I, however, refer to this particular origin as "Big Brenda".

My sister is moving to the DC area this weekend.

So our origin will be spending many a holiday traversing the highways to spend time with her favorite daughter - my sister.

I like to keep to my friend's theory of relavity - 5 states between me and my relativaties.

And my little sister is screwing that all to hell because she's moving here this weekend. And that means Big Brenda will be visiting and breaking that 1 visit every 5 years thing we got going.

So from now until every holiday until 2056 I will be hashing - with my hash of origin - Mount Vernon H3 in Northern Va. I also claim on occasion OTH4 as my hash of origin. I'm hoping we have hashes on the holidays themselves so I can spend time with my hash origins and not my biological origin.

A week or so ago I saw alot of activity on the So Happy It's Tuesday email list about origins. On hash regos you're usually asked who your Mother Hash is. Some hashers think it's where you first started hashing. Some hashers think it's where you got named and some hashers think it's where you're currently located and I know several that just make names up.

It gets me to wondering - what is the proper thing that goes in here?

I usually put where I first started hashing and where I got named –
Mount Vernon H3. But I also like to include Over The Hump H3 because I am currently active there as well. There's a lot to be said for both hashes and I like to claim them both.

I fear that I claim them as my origins but they don't always claim me.

Come to think of it neither does Big Brenda.

I know around the DC area there are often friendly competitions about which hash has the most people attending whatever event and often bribery and beer can sway any hasher to put any hash down as their Mother Hash.

DC RDR is coming up and this will be a huge email deal in a month or so.

Who will you put down as your Mother Hash?

I find it amusing that hashers can be bought for so little.

Promise beer and boobies and most any a male hasher will gladly pencil in whatever you want them to.

Unfortunately for me there are caveats.

The beer has to be cold and the boobies have to be firm, up high, perky and generally on a younger model. My older model short frame with sagging, nowhere near firm anymore, 3 bra's to strap them in (and that's just to work) mammories would sway no one.

It didn't sway the mammogram lady from squishing those things as flat as the proverbial pancake. She obviously has never seen my pancakes. I like them thick – so thick that they are squishy in the middle. The mammogram lady said no squishies in the middle for her so she viced them down one more notch just in case I thought about trying to squirm outta there. I thought I was going to leave the mammogram place like I was in a cartoon- with two flat two dimensional boobies. I would be ok with that if they would stick straight out but the theory of relativity's sister – gravity would show up and like a ruler with a weight on one end – my now flattened cartoon mammories would hit the floor like a brick thrown off a one story roof – quickly and efficiently.

So if I can't sway the mammogram lady for G's sake I sure aint swaying any male hashers to put MVH3 or OTH4 down as their mother hash for RDR for a little friendly hash competition.

I would love to see 200 people with MVH3 or OTH4 signed in as their mother hash. Since OTH4 has about 50 active constantly hashing hashers – that's a pretty hard task. In the winter we have 20. Makes it even more difficult.

MVH3 has about 50 as well – a little more difficult to sway people to use MVH3 as their hash of origin. Around these parts MVH3 is the sleeper group – one foot in the old age home the other foot in the grave. Come to our circle or go to reading time at the senior center –
their equally lively.

If everyone used where they got named as their mother hash then either one of these groups has an outstanding chance of winning who has the most hashers signed up. But alas, we name them, and someone else claims them (much like Big Brenda wishes in her favorite dreams) and so we are still left with very little hashers signing up with MVH3 or OTH4 as their hash of origin.

But they don't.

And I am left with Big Brenda as my mother of origin.

And I am old, graying and now have two dimensional boobies thanks to the mammogram lady.

And as for trying to sway you to come to MVH3 or OTH4 for your next hash event as your Mother hash,

I'm left with cookies.

And like my teenager's black shirt says -

Come over to the dark side – we have cookies.

:)

Duals

On-On!